19.03.04, 14:05 -> you would not believe how much energy i spent in my life on girls that do not know what they want and do not do what they say. you could timetravel with that amount of energy. or maybe heaven is made of that. :) 19.03.04, 18:05 -> someone stole my food today in class! primitive instincts acting up now. FICK UND MANPF. i want to kill! 19.03.04, 19:54 -> they treat you as you appear to be. you better take care of what they want to see in you, if not you will end up as just that, and believe me, that is never something good. 19.03.04, 22:15 -> i got to shave. honestly. 20.03.04, 00:22 -> do not tell me i was negative just because you do not want to face reality. i am not the one that limits your possibilities. i would bet to be more humble than you but i an less compromising. i am not crazy because i do not accept everything as is. the opposite is crazy. 20.03.04, 01:42 -> now i wait for a girl that told me to wait. i really wait. one wonders for what. 20.03.04, 01:46 -> i still have work. if all else fails. to think that you will work it out eventually. 20.03.04, 22:51 -> headache. sick. 21.03.04, 16:09 -> sunday is when you have time to work. when you do not have a life. like me. SHOULD I HOPE FOR SOMETHING? 21.03.04, 17:37 -> anyway that girl from friday returned eventually, and told me that i wanted to abuse her sexually. she knows that because it was me that chatted her up. for some minutes i tried helplessly to explain that i was a nice person but her mind could not be changed. i do not write this because i take it personal but because it is typical. personally, i would rather be hit in the face than having that discussion one more time. 21.03.04, 20:23 -> my father. for as long that i can remember he never wasted a single opportunity to degrade me. 22.03.04, 04:57 -> that week could have good better. the worst part is when you can not sleep. you fall ill. 22.03.04, 17:18 -> in the face of the fact that every demonstration against a totalitarian empire has been ignored by politics, i have decided to support terrorism! SUPPORT TERRORISM NOW! 22.03.04, 21:41 -> mercedes turned into a heart attack! 24.03.04, 21:44 -> fucking prepend! 25.03.04, 15:42 -> another story about or without moral. watch me be a total asshole. WHEE! 27.03.04, 02:51 -> 2:51! 27.03.04, 20:46 -> birthday: suing my father! 29.03.04, 10:49 -> tomorrow 27. shit. 29.03.04, 11:01 -> maybe i SHOULD see that gender study seminar. many girls go there. :) i would love to bitch about that sex monopoly too. 29.03.04, 13:07 -> tit for tat! 30.03.04, 11:30 -> divorce. now i wait my birthday away. a court hallway. thinking of franz kafka or his father. that ignorant. 01.04.04, 12:49 -> may a machine be any thing that under known circumstances behaves in a totally predictable way. it makes sense to make a machine out of life and humans for that matter. 01.04.04, 14:06 -> another day, another dollar! 01.04.04, 14:39 -> further down the rabbit hole. mechanical animals. organic image. piggy bank. freestyle. silence. 02.04.04, 06:10 -> success. i must be a fucking admireable person. 02.04.04, 20:19 -> taking nothing personal. kissing with someone. making flyers. forgetting someone. sleeping too little. shooting from the hip. 04.04.04, 13:23 -> i have no idea however i survived those two years in london. i still have the wildest dreams about that time, stuff that is way too complicated to tell, like the one where i live on a train, where i have to destroy awhole planet just for the key from the book called *metropolis: life in venice*. 04.04.04, 13:28 -> the key should also have been destroyed with the planet but i could not know it was with me in that book i salvaged for a girl i did not even know. 04.04.04, 13:31 -> the ones that stole the bike were not punks anyway, there are no punks left in london. if the phone had not rung that girl would have been back on me. 05.04.04, 19:56 -> now meeting Z! is this weblog hell or what? 06.04.04, 03:25 -> i asked her if she would go home with me. she told me that was not possible. i asked her if she was married. she showed me the ring. 06.04.04, 12:47 -> mister window man came very early to evacuate me from my home (that is where my computer waits for me). but that has nothing to do with the car that burned down in front of my house. getting up early gives you cancer. 06.04.04, 16:34 -> riding the tube in vienna is shocking, even after 6 years. 07.04.04, 21:34 -> easter. think of children in the middle east searching for tripmines. 07.04.04, 21:45 -> how about a party where you play the ringtones from the phones that people bring? i am starting to like that minimalistic beeping! 08.04.04, 03:35 -> when i want someone to hate me, i tell him what have done, and when i want someone to love me, i tell him WHY. 15.04.04, 18:29 -> suing the company that did not pay me for a job well done! 18.04.04, 18:02 -> spring break! // i am so tired 18.04.04, 20:39 -> easter was nice. i wonder whose relatives all those people were. who paid for the cocain. where he got the karaoke equippment. how i got there. 19.04.04, 01:48 -> do not invite three current lovers to the same party. *dismissed* might just sue you. 19.04.04, 01:50 -> the girl in the opposite seat on the bus cries. she has love problems. 20.04.04, 02:22 -> is life only to function anymore? who is a better MAN? is moral just a rational calculation to ensure optimized functionality for LIFE? is that why i do not feel? 20.04.04, 11:28 -> this court hallway is not the hall of fame. still there is a beauty to these inhuman places that always look the same: no windows, cheap tile floor, neon lights. it brings out the worst in people. 23.04.04, 03:50 -> i am very tired all day long. i am slowly becoming totally boring. why do we not GO, go insane? 23.04.04, 21:51 -> life too small. all sorted out. now fucking something up. 23.04.04, 22:13 -> total insignificance out there to get me and you! 27.04.04, 21:00 -> fischers fritze fischt frische fische. frische fische fickt fischers F. 04.05.04, 15:45 -> thanks to seroxat i have lost any interest in sex. which is a strange feeling in spring. 05.05.04, 02:55 -> all day long i get to hear opinions about life that just do not count. AS IF. rules are made elsewhere, i know, my opinion is of on consequences either. it adds to the noise of the new way, and noone can be held accountable. another opinion left to be the lie of identity, in a game where *you* does not win. get a second opinion, or something that matters. 05.05.04, 03:02 -> so here i wait for the point of it all, an end, so i can get on with my life! 05.05.04, 03:07 -> the trouble with genetics is that there is no guarantee that it will eventually turn out to become as bad as television. i do not think of the market as a good ruler. 07.05.04, 00:13 -> my 8 year old cousin knows more about computergames than that woman that should teach us something. SO DO I. 09.05.04, 21:34 -> today was a waste of time. something that eventually leaves you with the feeling you get when you look back on your stool. it reminds you to think about your life once you can come up with the patience to do so. not now. 10.05.04, 12:53 -> reboot! i find it hard to find a melody in the noise. i have not been convinced of anything in a while NOW i am convinced i need to reboot. 10.05.04, 14:10 -> // defragmenting my personality 16.05.04, 19:52 -> sleepwalking. waiting. dreamless. CALL ME! 17.05.04, 00:14 -> to witness a tragedy on A way home. desires of a whore gone astray. for better life. the drama not to be missed. i walk past everything. 17.05.04, 00:20 -> a legion of pretty faces on their way to the end of hope. to life a WAHNVORSTELLUNG in darkness. 17.05.04, 02:25 -> shit. ever since i decided that i need a new computer, i am too excited to fall asleep. i hope that i am get it tomorrow, i really need it to get ahead with work. 23.05.04, 14:57 -> i just found out that playing computergames for days without a break will not make you less depressive. maybe WE should try something else. 23.05.04, 15:02 -> by the way: i really screwed up with agnes on friday! i guess one nervous breakdown a month is just the price for what i do: carive la limit! // with razorblades 25.05.04, 14:29 -> the moment that is the end me vanity: you want to cry out for the truth, but then a sympathy for all that is lost holds you back. you realize: there is more reality in that which never counted. 09.06.04, 18:29 -> my phone is locked. i am not posting so much lately. 09.06.04, 18:54 -> sitting in the plane and looking down at the world that is flat. i think it is time to think beyond myself and beyond the body. as i grew up i was left to believe that the world worked like it was and that it was important to understand. today i understand more than most. most of all that the world does not work that way. 14.06.04, 13:01 -> generally it is more satisfying to masterbate than to talk with a girl. after some point there is no point in making a point. or so. be thankful. i guess. you are going to die sooner than you think. 15.06.04, 18:04 -> there is a universal moral: LIFE. the question is if life is determined. 17.06.04, 14:17 -> a hierarchy out of this misery. dialectic of the unknowable. better do not stand out for some time. 18.06.04, 22:24 -> after 27 years the big question remains the same: what the fuck is wrong with me? 19.06.04, 01:55 -> what a depressing day! :) please kill me! 19.06.04, 17:18 -> is it not funny that every girl making the diploma this year has brought in her boyfriend to help? needless to say that the boys did it alone. REPULSION! 19.06.04, 17:22 -> what a sad and predictable world. life is automated now. no wonder. 19.06.04, 17:25 -> i wish i knew what to do with all this aggression. because i do not i am left to wait. this is not just my problem. 19.06.04, 17:34 -> my thoughts are not worth *a penny*. everything is already decided. you may but resort to making your own life less miserable. to strengthen the market. now stop sending of money. 21.06.04, 10:47 -> it dawns on me that we are not living in an enlightened age. on ne pas encore revenue du pays des mysteres. 24.06.04, 17:52 -> i noticed that i have started to think in words some time ago. that is bad. i still remember when i thought in forms which was more accurate by far. to think in words feels like inventing excuses. 24.06.04, 20:32 -> going to see the new image? (3d) do not worry if you do not get what i mean by this! 26.06.04, 22:11 -> that is how it is when you make am appointment in a cinema withou knowing what they play or when with someone that is always behind schedule. someone would let you in for free. 28.06.04, 01:11 -> this week i turned down six women. six opportunities to fuck. that is my personal best.for TWO other women. 29.06.04, 18:32 -> ein unscharfer tag der davon kommt das sich eine vorstellung ploetzlich aufgeloest hat, ohne das der blick weiss woran er sich halten solle. ein tag fuer an dem man nicht richtig aufwacht, nicht der wirklichkeit, wenn es sie gaebe, gewachsen ist. 29.06.04, 19:49 -> on a day like this *no* is not a fitting answer, although it is about the only think you would like to say except *fuck*. 01.07.04, 04:37 -> many dreams start with money and then do not go anywhere. 04.07.04, 17:01 -> i am considering to open am agency for *knowing BETTER*. seriously. 04.07.04, 17:03 -> what am i doing all day? i am getting the hang of subdivision modelling! you learn some about seeing that way too. 05.07.04, 14:31 -> hello Z! was it good for you? 05.07.04, 15:52 -> worked all night. that coffee gave me a nervous breakdown. now i can not stop the shit pouring out of my ass. 07.07.04, 23:48 -> i am doing better than i thought i would. i am doing better than most people i used to look up to. this is a good day to be proud. 08.07.04, 05:40 -> look but do not touch. touch but do not taste. taste but do not eat.© 11.07.04, 19:40 -> on a scale to ten i would feel strange! 11.07.04, 20:31 -> phone locked again. my fucking ideas swallowed. 13.07.04, 22:55 -> night: when you render with radiosity 13.07.04, 23:06 -> such a sad day. to break someones heart. MINE and hers too. 13.07.04, 23:13 -> i successfully introverted myself again, with a little help of my phone provider. work is so much more satisfying than flirting these days. this way i do not even fuck up others lives, except the one today. 13.07.04, 23:15 -> is in the desert more sand or more air? try to get a point of view. 21.07.04, 15:43 -> i think i have gone too far this time. the most admireable woman that i know hates me now. 21.07.04, 15:44 -> i demand the death penalty for anyone involved with marketing!!! 23.07.04, 11:50 -> i do not ever want to play another computergame again where i have to play some STUPID american soldier, special forces or agent, ever again. it is really humiliating and it is not a very clever idea, to say the least. also: fuck fairies, trolls and *lord of the rings* (part 524: the orcs are attacking). 29.07.04, 08:40 -> how i hate to watch this world die, to be confronted with death staring at you from billboards EVERYWHERE. and i know that there is nothing i can do about it, because there is no logic beyond the logic of money anymore. 30.07.04, 11:35 -> das es in wien so wenig amoklaeufer gibt, kann nichts gutes bedeuten. hier gibt es genug die ganz offensichtlich nichts mehr zuverlieren haben, aber sie kaempfen nicht. so wird der menschliche abfall nicht weniger. 02.08.04, 13:20 -> doom3 is out, realtime graphics are not the problem anymore: now let us come up with some original content... PLEASE! 18.08.04, 15:45 -> back in vienna i am the master of my time again. i use waiting time to doubt myself which means that one week in the sun gives me more than skin cancer. 26.08.04, 05:57 -> so. tomorrow *z* will break up with me. unclassified. 30.08.04, 15:52 -> *we have normality, i repeat: we have normality! anything you can not deal with is therefore your own problem.* 01.09.04, 06:17 -> well. i do not dare to write what is really going on at the moment. more soon. 14.09.04, 16:00 -> like a friend said: now there a are soapbubbles that do not burst! there is glue in it. me in love. anything is possible about now! 25.09.04, 00:24 -> there is something wrong with your time management when you only think about your life on parties. maybe you play too much on your computer. you sick freak. 25.09.04, 00:34 -> did you ever wonder if they used bumpmaps to texture geometry to render bumpmaps? do you think they used lightwave or 3dmax to make md5? (at least i am not thinking about sex) 26.09.04, 17:45 -> watch your genitals! 3 times a day! brush your teeth regulary! do not press the *windows* button! lick your favourite breasts! 26.09.04, 17:53 -> is it not amazing how foreplay can turn into rocketscience? 26.09.04, 20:24 -> are you still waiting for a saviour? wait no more! make an artform out of suffering TODAY! (click here) 07.10.04, 02:08 -> how many more of these heartbreaking days am i supposed to stand? there is no way i can lie so much as to satisfy everyone! i feel left over. or maybe consumed. fucking feelings. 07.10.04, 14:56 -> note to self: get rid of embarrassing associates! 08.10.04, 11:14 -> note to self: poison the pigeons on your balcony! 09.10.04, 18:44 -> jesus, today is looking really gloomy, i am totally sacred for no reason! 15.10.04, 19:57 -> on tuesday i have seen the worst film of my life. in fact it was so bad that it simply erased all memories of worse films, if i ever saw one. that film prooves that god does not exist. it is like you were sedated and had to watch your feet being amputated. 16.10.04, 04:57 -> today i have been a witness to three worlds being turned inside out. i guess there is a limit of how many friends i enjoy to watch falling apart in one single day. 18.10.04, 04:57 -> single, to be judged by your (bad) looks, to listen to bad lifestories, freedom! 18.10.04, 14:19 -> after the consumption of various psychoactive substances for breakfast, i now feel ready to do something about my life, which tried to fuck up itself over the weekend. i started with putting an end to the reign of insects in my kitchen, and will now continue with tearing the faces off my teachers. HAVE A NICE DAY! 20.10.04, 11:10 -> most erotic letter of the week: *v*! 20.10.04, 11:20 -> yesterday i was shown the most demoralizing flat since i was living in london! in fact it was so poor that it sucked the keys for my own flat right out of my pockets, which is why i crashed at my pregnant friend, who kept on crying while she cooked for me at midnight. when i was sleeping, the blind rabbit came. 20.10.04, 16:13 -> are you wondering if bush or kerry will win? well, there is no reality beyond the logic of money: OBVIOUSLY bush will win. 21.10.04, 19:14 -> behold; the great (and handsome) satisfactor! his brainZ is the leak of reality on the floor, hold on to consumer goods for anti-drownage! your warranty is void! 26.10.04, 17:03 -> how are you supposed to build a home in a world without future? 28.10.04, 17:00 -> today i understood that having seen SO MANY interesting things is not making my life more important. yet sometimes i wish i could show you. 04.11.04, 04:06 -> the one-eyed is the king of the blind. except in the united states. say *heil* to our new world leader. 10.11.04, 03:57 -> nothing positive to write! 16.11.04, 23:36 -> (my next girlfriend will be shaved) 01.12.04, 19:07 -> looks like my phone provider is not supporting *gprs* any longer; no more mobile blogging that is. 05.12.04, 00:27 -> it happens that i wake up as total idiot sometimes. then everyone simply takes advantage me. i really should not see anyone on those days. 10.12.04, 02:47 -> a japanese feeling to be honest, a world hat cannot be discovered, only experienced, and no way to share it. a short sentence with so much colour. 12.12.04, 04:22 -> although the truth has become obsolete, the total of alternative explainations (corporate philosophy) has not added to our independence. from now on, all will have been said before: we are sentenced to silence and ingnorance. 13.12.04, 02:12 -> es wird kalt und der dreck am stecken hart, also komm und putz dich ab an mir, mach mich kaputt als beweis das ich minderwertiger bin, du bist so schön. jetzt alle mitsingen! entschuldigung, ich bin depressiv. 13.12.04, 02:48 -> // auf der waage den bauch einziehen 15.12.04, 10:06 -> dear bed, i am coming home! it will be so great to see you again, we will cuddle and then i will share my dreams with you, you are such a warm human being. i hope the paranoia will be gone afterwards. 21.12.04, 11:16 -> i thought i had found a safe place to stand and then i looked at that girl. now i am lonesome for the first time in years and no crime seems enough for her. time for a holiday. 30.12.04, 03:10 -> walking past the prison of my hometown, i stop to listen to silence and the sound of freedom, the beauty that i seek to tell. children, there is hope beyond salvation! 30.12.04, 14:46 -> nothing is clear. i wonder why i do not get lost a lot more often, and i get sacred when i think about it. 03.01.05, 14:11 -> eight modes of fun: sensation, fantasy, narrative, challenge, fellowship, discovery, expression, submission! 04.01.05, 02:54 -> i am ripe for a relationship. i warned you. fucking fucking. 13.01.05, 20:12 -> gina, du brennst! 18.01.05, 18:58 -> when i was in my teens, fate kept haunting me, the closer i got to the source, the more i faded. after death, it took me years to stray this far from it, into the void, where anything in my life is just a coincidence. here we are, and i wish that fate had something to OFFER.